Botched NewsBotched News is a satirical newspaper. Every story is made up and reported with a straight face.https://botchednews.co.uk/en-gbGogoșescu Offers Detention Centre a €6m Swiss Credit Line, Accepts Its Coffee Machine as Guaranteehttps://botchednews.co.uk/news/2026-10-03-gogosescu-coffee-machine-credit-line/https://botchednews.co.uk/news/2026-10-03-gogosescu-coffee-machine-credit-line/Officers later added a microwave to raise the facility to €15m. Prosecutors trying to locate the Swiss bank were last seen at a patisserie in Buzău.Sat, 03 Oct 2026 08:30:00 GMTSatirepoliticsgogosescudiicotbucharestcreditRomania Issues Nationwide Emergency Alert During 6-0 Defeat in Warsaw, Advises Citizens to Avoid Second Halfhttps://botchednews.co.uk/news/2026-10-03-romania-ro-alert-warsaw/https://botchednews.co.uk/news/2026-10-03-romania-ro-alert-warsaw/Phones sounded across the country after Poland's fourth goal. Officials said the national team had met every criterion for a red warning, including duration.Sat, 03 Oct 2026 08:00:00 GMTSatiresporthagearomanianations-leaguero-alertStuppin Tells Urals Forum He Has Been 'a Bad Man', Pledges to Cut Arms Output and Give Up Drinkinghttps://botchednews.co.uk/news/2026-10-03-stuppin-bad-man-urals-forum/https://botchednews.co.uk/news/2026-10-03-stuppin-bad-man-urals-forum/The president wept at the lectern after describing his nightmares. By the evening, two ministries had denied the speech, the tears and, in one case, the drinking.Sat, 03 Oct 2026 08:00:00 GMTSatirepoliticsstuppinkremlinuralsmonasteryPlump Clocks In at McDowell County Coal Mine After Miners' Symposium Runs Latehttps://botchednews.co.uk/news/2026-10-03-plump-clocks-in-at-mcdowell-mine/https://botchednews.co.uk/news/2026-10-03-plump-clocks-in-at-mcdowell-mine/The president was issued a cap lamp, a brass tag and a self-rescuer, and completed the full shift without incident, according to mine records.Sat, 03 Oct 2026 07:00:00 GMTSatirepoliticsplumpcoalminingwest-virginia